Two steps unset there goes the day

18 Nov

I have had the most amazing 4 and a half days. Like seriously, the best I have had in a long, long, long time. I don’t even remember the last time everything seemed so.. amazing like it has that past few days.

For those of you who follow my twitter, facebook, or know me in real life, might know that I was sick, or feeling sick last week. Originally weekend was suppose to be spent with one of my best friends Kirsten (be cool and follow her blog / twitter too πŸ™‚ .. and now she can’t say I’m a horrible friend) and my boo (let’s call him..) Dollface. They were suppose to come to visit me and dazzle in all the glitz and glamor of Bdazzle. Unfortunately, Dr.Mom suggested a trip home to sleep in my own bed, and feel better.

So, that’s what I did. I was all ready for my weekend in my uber comfy bed, and my best best best friend and most amazing lover in the world – Season 1 of Glee. But by the time Saturday came by, I wasn’t really feeling sick anymore. I decided to take advantage of this and hang out with Dollface. It was truly an amazing day. We have been together since January, but it’s been long distance since he lived 9 hours away. The few times he was able to visit he obviously wanted to hang out with his friends (almost) just as much as he wanted to see me – completely understandable. Now, he’s back in Ottawa, but I’m an hour away. So, even though we talk all the time online, we don’t get to spend much time together. Saturday though, we spent most of the day just us. Yes, we saw some other friends, but the majority of the time was together. It was well needed. It honestly helped bring my spirits up again.

During the evening, while hanging out with some of his friends, I kept getting texts from my dad saying that there’s a surprise waiting for me when I got home. I honestly didn’t know how to take this, it could either be good.. or bad. I really didn’t know. AND not to mention, I’m not the biggest fan of most surprises. I just don’t like being kept in suspense. (…. maybe that’s why I don’t do well with scary movies.. ) So as soon as I got home, that’s all I was asking about…
THEN.

MY LITTLE SISTER COMES DOWN THE STAIRS WITH …..

wait for it…
wait for it………

A PUPPY!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

To make it even better, it’s a DORKY! .. if you have never seen a picture of these things, google it. right now. Wait. I’m make it easier than that. I’ll do it for you. Dorky. Ta-freaking-da. .
Right. SUPER CUTE.

Sunday was just as wonderful. I got to spend the day with my Dollface again, and his step-mom. His step-mom is simply wonderful. We get along ridiculously well. You’d think we’ve known each other forever and a half, but in reality we don’t see/talk to each other that much, so when I’m over there, it’s like an stop chit chatting. I love it. So much. I love her. So much. After spending another day with him, I went over to my 2 year old nephew’s birthday party. It was super loud, with a dog and 2 puppies, 2 kids, and 13 people over the age of 12. But I loved it. I love my family. They are ridiculous at time, and crazy every other time, but still wonderful.

I figured this wonderfulness would just fade out by Monday morning, but it really didn’t. I got AU-MA-ZING feed back from my ballet teacher. Like, one of the best pieces of feedback I have gotten from any teacher since I’ve been here. Then we had an awesome warm up/work out in Jazz, and a Hairspray combo. I lovelovelove Hairspray. It is defiantly one of my favorite musicals. Always has been, always will be. It was one of the first musicals I have ever seen. I think I saw it 9 times in the theater? Something crazy like that.

I think I was most shocked that this amazing-ness continued over to Tuesday. Again – got great feedback from ballet. Had my FAVORITE warm up in Jazz, and another awesome combo. Then during my vocal coaching, I had a revelation. I realized that I finally, after all these weeks, I finally understand what the heck she is talking about. I know how she wants me to sing, and I finally feel what she wants me to feel. It was one of those “OOOOH’ moments.

This morning was pretty good too. We had Momma Alix :), and a glorious class (as per usual). Her class just always makes me feel so good. Then we started improv in Acting, and got our groups for our final. So stoked for this ‘Life Event’ with my little flower Dom. πŸ™‚

Even though I didn’t have the greatest afternoon today, I still just feel so good because I’ve had just an amazing week so far. Makes me so grateful for the people I know, and care about. I’m just so happy! πŸ˜€

my new puppy Mo πŸ™‚

Sweatpants.

4 Nov

I love being in school, don’t get me wrong. I am genuinely excited to go to class everyday. I really am. Overall I like everyone in my class, and I certainly get along with everyone fine. But there’s just something about this all that I’m not to fond of. It’s not class, it’s not new friends or making new friends, it’s not the teachers. It’s not anything like that. I think it’s more the fact that I don’t feel like myself anymore.

While I was in Costa Rica, I really found out who I was, and was very comfortable with that. I never showed the insecure side of me. I was silly, goofy, dumb at time, outgoing, and 100% confident with who I was. And I looked confident too. I took pride in my looks, I looked like I always wanted to look. I never dressed for anyone else except myself. And that continued to my last year of high school. I was “that girl” who wore heels, skirts, dresses to school. I always dressed up. I hardly ever wore jeans, and if I wore sweats people knew there was something wrong. I think I wore them like 2 times to school. My hair was always done, my make up was always done. And even if people thought it was strange that a high school kid dressed up so much to school (and people did), I didn’t care. I loved looking like that. I presented myself the way I wanted to be seen. And I let my true personality shine though. You either liked it, or you didn’t, but either way I didn’t give a rats ass.

Sure, it may sound superficial to many people, but skirts and heels are my “comfy” clothes. Theses are the things I feel comfortable in. I rather be in them than sweatpants and running shoes (or jeans and flats, ect) Without them, I feel insecure. I like being different, and with out them, I feel .. typical, predictable, boring.

In this program I have to wear tights, leotards, sweaters (although.. i do love a baggy t-shirt), running shoes, sweat pants (ect). And what’s the point with spending time with make-up, or making you’re hair look nice, you just end up putting it up anyways. I feel uncomfortable, insecure, and extremely vulnerable. I hate feeling this way. I know it shouldn’t matter what one wears, and that the feeling of security comes from within, let’s be honest, if you strip away all the things someone feels comfortable in, it wears away at them.

I’m getting to that point. I’m being stripped down of my wall in classes, and not being able to wear my comfy clothes, well it’s starting to take a toll on me. I feel like I can’t do anything right, and that I could either cry or start yelling at someone any second. That was me 4 years ago, and I hate it. I hate that side of me. It’s dark, ugly, and no one wants to be friends with someone like that. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that. I don’t want to get like that again.

I miss my comfy clothes. I miss my confidence. I miss my care-free personality. I miss myself.

I’ve decided I’m going to fix it. I’m not positive exactly how yet, but I’m determined. This feeling WILL go away. I can promise you that.

ps. I hate sweatpants.. just thought I would get that out there, if it wasn’t clear already.

pps. this was a really hard post for me to share. I’m not one for letting my walls down and being so…unguarded.

Thanksgiving

11 Oct

Now, I suppose my last post showed how large and in charge I really am, but I forgot to post anything about how thankful I am. So this is whats up. I know I can sound very self-indulged at times, but I really am thankful.
I’m thankful for my family. Not matter what’s going on I know I can always count on them, and they will always be there for me, and support all my out-there ideas. I’m thankful for my friends – old and new. They keep me company, they support me, they put up with my craziness. I’m thankful for where I live. I’m thankful for the freedom to do whatever I want to do, and believe whatever I want to believe. I’m thankful for everything that I have, and everything I will have.
Don’t think that this short list is all I’m thankful for. I’m thankful for everything! The list is really endless.

My thanksgiving weekend was very nice! Spent the weekend at my grandparents, with my family. We went apple picking, horseback riding, hot tubing, and OF COURSE lots of eating. It was a wonderful weekend, not to mention beautiful! The weather couldn’t have been more co-operating. It was gorgeous out! How was your thanksgiving weekend? … Or Columbus day weekend (to any American readers).

Get-Fat-Be-Merry!

7 Oct

Well now, so people say that Christmas is the fattest day of the year, or perhaps Easter, but I completely think that the fattest day of the year is by far Thanksgiving. I mean, think about it, Thanksgiving has a WHOLE weekend dedicated to it, where Christmas is only 1 day. And sure Easter is a whole weekend too, but one would more associate (and I’m talking solely about food here) it with candy. Small candies at that. Thanksgiving on the other hand, even if you only have 1 big meal, is always BIG. I mean there’s the WHOLE turkey, stuffing, potatoes, sweet potatoes, all the veggies, cranberries, perhaps ham, ect. And you haven’t even gotten me started on dessert! It really is the fattest day of the year -Canadian or American Thanksgiving, its still big. Personally I am completely fine with this fat holiday. I am very thankful to my ancestors for this wonderful tradition. It is Trudy Scrumptious! (100 points to anyone who knows what movie I just referenced!)

I suppose you could say my Get-Fat-Be-Merry day starts today. Tonight I will be heading back to Ottawa, only for the night though. Tomorrow morning, bright and early back to my wonder B-dazzle! And after class off to Grandmother’s house I go! (… another 100 points if you can tell me what movie that was from). It will be a lovely weekend full of fatties, train rides, super awesome car rides with the fabulous Mikenze, fat foods, and memorizing lines/lyrics. What a fab weekend I’m about to have!

Enough about me! What are ya’ll planning for Get-Fat-Be-Merry day/weekend?1

you can’t MUTH with us!

1 Oct

I am tired beyond words. No particular reason, but I just am. I would very much like to go jump into my bed, and sing my self to sleep.. maybe I’ll get someone to stoke my hair and tell me a story about a walrus and a giraffe meeting and becoming best friends.

It’s been almost 4 weeks since I have moved to B-dazzle, and in all 3(soon, in about an hour, to be 4) weekends I have had here, I have spend a total of 1 weekend here. Tomorrow I go back to the ‘rents place for the weekend, then thanksgiving, then home again(probably). I really should invest more time in B-dazzle. It’s rather… dazzling.!

“NAAAARRROW dancers, NAROW!” I constantly hear Ali (my ballet instructor) say, in an amazing familiar spanish accent. I love her. She’s tough, and strict, but funny and clearly knows what she is doing. Basically, my ribs hurt every day after class, but its fab-u-lous.

Jazz is faaaaaaab. We have 2 instructors, one is SUPER-HAPPY-GO-LUCKY-AMAZING, and reminds my what Kristen Chenoweth would be like (well.. from what I’ve read/watched on tv/ect). The other is like a general in the army, in the way that her “warm-ups” (… more like work outs) are so intense, you feel like you could just curl up in a little ball and DIIIIIIIIIIE afterwards. It’s rather lovely.

I rather enjoy all of my classes. They are fun, exciting, relaxing, and amazing…. Except that is … for music history. This is the one class everybody who has ever been in any schooling in the history of.. well ever, hates. Well, not necessarily “music history”, but it’s the class you dread going to every week.booooring Everyone in my class agrees. It is , and let’s be honest we kinda slack off (for working so hard in every other class, I must say, we should be allowed to slack off at least 1 time a week). Let’s be honest, people literally lunge for the back of the room – which is not normally like us, we like the front row, except Friday’s from 2:30-4:30.

So, the water at my school (like in the fountains) is rather delicious. Except today.. it kinda tastes like chlorine. I’m not loving it.

I know its kinda been longer than I have wanted since my last post, but thanks to my friend Mikenze, who also blogs,has reminded me to blog as she blogs. So, you want more ridic Brittany posts?, TELL MIKENZE! hahaha πŸ™‚

Oh yah, and if you were wondering.. the tittle, yah, doesn’t really have anything to do with the post..

I know – I’m bad.

19 Sep

I’ve been bad. Very bad – at this whole blog thing that is. I’m not very good with the whole commitment clearly. But I guess I give a whole general update in this, and say “I’ll be better” and hope it will be true.

In my last post I mentioned I was working at the Super Ex and I have to say, it was hands down the best week of my summer. It was so much fun! I met so many people, and became very close with the 2 girls I worked with. I hope they will continue to be in my life for a long time. They may not know it, but they came into my life at that specific time for a reason. I love them so much!

I also mentioned I was moving to B-dazzle – well the move has happened and has been VERY successful! I have officially been here, and been a college student for 2 weeks. I am LOVE LOVE LOVING my program. So much. And even though I have done more dance in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 18 years of my life, I have not really been sore (thank you sweet baby Jesus!). I haven’t stayed in town the past 2 weeks because of previous commitments, but I can’t wait to spend my first weekend here. I hear the MUTH students know how to make B-dazzle live up to it’s name.. πŸ˜‰ lol

I also celebrated a birthday since my last post. It wasn’t really anything special, I guess. I mean, legally I’m an adult now, and I can vote – as well as buy a lottery ticket, and buy alcohol in Quebec and Costa Rica .. and many other non-north american countries. But I don’t feel older and I sorta forgot that my birthday was even coming up, I think that’s because I’ve been saying I was 18 since the EX. Although I have never spend a birthday like that – I had a ballet class, followed by a jazz class, followed by a choral class. It was fun πŸ™‚ And I spent it with awesome new friends – BONUS!

I know, this post was kinda all over the place, but if I’m gonna start from anyway, I have to get the “updates” out of the way. Let’s see if I can get this rolling .. again.

PS. I’m currently sitting on a train. This girl just got on, couldn’t be older than me, but her boyfriend is standing out side of the train. I would assume they aren’t going to be seeing eachother for awhile, because she is crying, hes is crying, and they keep doing super cute thingsΒ  – like making hand hearts, mouthing ‘i love you’, putting their hands on the glass so they “touch”. ect. It was cute.

When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while.

24 Aug

I have gotten so busy in the past few days that I haven’t had time to post anything. Big changes going on in my world, and I must tell you, I LOOOOVE it! (most of the time)

13 days till the my official Brockville move date. (K, side note, the auto spell checker has ‘Brockville’ underlined because it isΒ  “wrong”, apparently, Brockville is spelt Brockie, Brock ville, Brock-ville, Brownsville, and my personal favorite Brazzaville, while they are at it, I think they should add B-dazzle.. just saying) ANYWAYS, 13 days, and so much to do! I have to fix my duvet cover, buy all my dance stuff, PACK, make (as in sew) pillows, and who knows what else. Oh yah, I have to fit as much as I can, which out it looking gross, from a ginormous basement, into 2 itty-bitty little rooms. Oh the joy. I will werk it out though.

I am also working at the super ex this week! (HOLLA!) No, no, no. I am NOT a carni, but I am one of those annoying people who will come up to you and ask you if you want to be a model. So, if you go to the ex this week, and someone asks you that, just say yes, even if you don’t want to. We have to meet a quota, and we’ll compliment you excessively.. usually. Please be nice to us .. or we’ll get you back. (MUWAHAHAH!)

It’s started, people are starting to leave. One of my best friends is moving tomorrow, and since he’s the first one to move its kinda a weird/surreal feeling. I know it was going to be, but I didn’t know how weird. I’m always the one moving away first, people to move away from ME! I move from people. So, it’s like extra weird for me. But over all, its kinda exciting. Things are going into place, and people moving away is just apart of the masters picture.